Torn
by Mystic Blue Rose
Summary: Sakura thinks about her feelings for the two people she loves most: Tomoyo and Shoran. She knows that one of them will be hurt and no matter what the desission her heart will ache.


Torn  
Chapter 1  
  
By Mystic Blue Rose  
(aka Nekojyuunishi)  
  
Notes: I use Japanese suffixes like chan and kun. Also since Sakura debates her feeling for Shoran AND Tomoyo if shoujo ai bugs you, you might wanna find another fic. Every thing that happens so far I would rate G (unless you count Sakura thinking she might love a girl being a higher rating) I will rate this PG just because the thought of Shoujo ai bothers some people and I respect that. So far no paring is truly set in my mind.  
  
She closed her eyes for a moment and tried to envision what she would see outside the plane door. Would there be anyone waiting for her? It had been over three months since she had left her homeland to visit her older brother. She knew she would miss Touya terribly while he was overseas, but it still felt good to be home. She glanced back at her father who was taking her luggage out of the overhead compartment with his usual loving smile. He gently placed the black rolling suitcase at Sakura's feet. Sakura studied her bag for a moment and noticed that the patches her best friend Tomoyo had put so carefully on it were starting to peal off from ware and tear. The patches looked like every day iron on patches that you could buy in a store, even though Sakura had never asked Tomoyo where she got them, it was obvious that Tomoyo had made them- modeling them after various flowers and sewed them on herself. It was quite possible that she had carefully stitched every stitch by hand, weaving her affection in the very thread so Sakura would never doubt that she was loved.  
"Go on ahead Sakura," her father smiled down at her. She didn't know at that point in time if she was waiting by his side because she needed to be by someone familiar, or if it was habit, or if she was simply being well- behaved and polite. Perhaps it occurred to both father and daughter that Sakura was old enough to go on ahead, she was almost 17 after all. For a second she was longed to be a little girl again. To be held in her father's loving arms and know that that love was all she needed to ever be happy. She smiled. "m'kay, I'll be waiting in the lobby." She whipped around her short brown hair gleamed in the florescent lighting as she weaved through the rows of people struggling with their luggage, her suitcase at her heels. As she reached the end of the walkway she saw scores of people crowding around their loved ones, embracing them with tears of joy. She stepped aside and observed them for a moment then blushed at the thought she might be staring.  
"Sakura-chaaan!" came a squeal embedded in the crowd. Many of the people turned in the joyous cry's direction and stepped aside for it's speaker to pass by. "Sakura-chan! How was your trip are you well?" A flash of long black hair seemed to embrace her then a ivory face looked up at her with large angelic blue eyes.  
Sakura hugged her friend back, squeezing her tightly working off all their missed hugs. "I'm fine Tomoyo-chan how're you?"  
Tomoyo moved back, looking her friend over carefully. She smiled "I am very well now that you are back, thank you. Mother and I came to pick you up, as promised."  
Sakura sighed a gleeful sigh of relief. "Thank goodness, I'm dying to get out of these clothes!"  
Tomoyo looked her up and down once more. "Oh but Sakura-chan, that outfit looks very good on you. It is a very nice white fitted V-neck shirt and the khaki skirt shows off your loveliness." she mused. Sakura wondered why her friend had to name what she was wearing. Then she remembered that it was one of Tomoyo's stranger quirks that made her so endearing- or embarrassing depending on the situation. "And the silver zippers along the pockets are very cute! It suits you Sakura-chan!"  
Now Tomoyo's endearing obsession had started to turn embarrassing, "But it's not a comfy as the clothes you used to make for me." she protested softly.  
"Used to?" Tomoyo smiled. "But I have made more clothes for you Sakura-chan, and I would be honored if you would try them on when you are well rested. .I only hope I got the measurements right." She clapped her hands together in excitement. "Oh I almost forgot! We have a most honored guest!"  
Sakura cocked her head in confusion. "hoe? 'most honored guest'?"  
Tomoyo glanced around the area. ".Yes. I handed him my video camera when I ran off to meet you." Sakura was shocked that Tomoyo handed her video camera to anyone, honored guest or not. "Where is he? I should start taping soon.." "Taping..?" Sakura asked nervously.  
Tomoyo clapped her hands together yet again and smiled. "I have tentatively entitled it 'Sakura's marvelous return'!"  
"Sakura-chaaaan!" Tomoyo's mother ran to embrace her, smothering her so much Sakura wasn't sure if she was getting enough air. Sonomi released her and stood up straight in a flash, snapped her fingers and one of her body guards came out of nowhere to take Sakura's luggage. "Tomoyo don't run off on me like that I wasn't sure if I could find you in this crowd!"  
Tomoyo smiled "I am sorry, I just got too excited!"  
Sakura noticed movement in the shadows, as if something was hanging back- lurking- waiting to strike. A familiar face came out of the darkness. The façade of a glare painted on his face. "Shoran-kun!" Sakura jumped in surprise. Tomoyo gracefully snatched her video camera from the boy's arms and began to film with lightning speed. "Oh if only I had gotten Sakura meeting our honored guest!" She sighed. Zooming in and out on the slightly embarrassed faces of her stars: Sakura frozen in shock, Shoran staring at his feet trying to hide his blushing face.  
Sakura tried to recall the last time she saw him- in person like this- she thought it was over a year ago. He had gotten taller, she could see his shapely shoulders hiding beneath his green shirt. He still had the messy dark brown hair he'd always had, the same big brown eyes to match. Those eyes could be so caring and sweet, it would be hard for any girl to resist melting just by glancing at them. But at other times those eyes could scare away the toughest looking guys with a single glare. She looked up slightly and noticed that his face wasn't as round anymore. Shoran had higher more-defined cheekbones. It made her realize that they weren't children anymore, or at least hanging on to the last bits of their childhood by mere threads. She wasn't sure what she thought of that idea.  
"Well," Sonomi began, "I'm sure you're tired Sakura-chan, We'd better get you home. I already sent someone to get your luggage." She declared as she turned to lead the way through the airport terminal.  
"uh wait!" Sakura stammered. "What about my father?"  
Sonomi's delicate feminine features turned into a scowl. "oh. Right. Him." She spat the words out as if they had a sour taste. She glared and walkway leading up to the airplane just as Fujitaka strolled into the room.  
  
"Sonomi-kun!" Fujitaka said warmly "It was so kind of you to pick us up."  
She turned and stuck her tiny nose in the air. "I've got someone to carry Sakura's luggage. You can carry your own."  
"I would be honored," Sakura's father cooed.  
Sonomi Dadouji did almost everything with a dignified grace and sophisticated style. She did not simply walk across a room. She glided. She did not simply drive her car to pick up the Kinomotos at the airport. She did it in style. Waiting outside the sliding doors, behind two female body guards was what looked like a long black limousine. Sakura wasn't sure it was a limousine because she'd never really seen one before. One body guard got in the driver's seat, another opened car doors and the final pair loaded the luggage in the back. Sakura found herself placed in between Shoran and Tomoyo in the middle seat. The seat behind them was occupied by Sonomi, the seat behind her contained two body guards and her father, Fujitaka.  
Sakura looked at Shoran and then at Tomoyo, she felt an ache in her stomach as she remembered what she had been so worried about on the flight home. How could she have been so dense? She could still remember her fourth grade feild day. The day when she found out Sonomi and her mother were cousins. The day she caught the flower card. The air carried a heavy but not overly fragrant smell of flowers- courtesy of the flower card. As she turned to run to her brother and father that day she remembered Tomoyo smiling at her and saying that she loved her. Sakura smiled back, "I love you too," even though at the time she had never gotten the true meaning of Tomoyo's words. How could she have been so stupid? It had taken her seven years to realize that her best friend since the fourth grade had always sacrificed her own happiness to make her smile. She stared at her friend's beautiful blue eyes as she thought of Tomoyo's selflessness. Sakura's emerald eyes started to tear over as she realized how deeply Tomoyo loved her, and how Tomoyo never protested to Sakura loving Shoran. Shoran was what made Sakura happy, and if Sakura was happy Tomoyo was happy it was so simple yet so crewel.  
It was a realization that made Sakura wonder about her own feelings for Tomoyo. Where did her affections lie? As friends? Sakura knew that the word 'friends' would never be deep enough to describe their friendship. Words were an injustice to their relationship because it was deeper than that. But did she return Tomoyo's feelings? Had the person she loved the most been right in front of her eyes cheering her on through every love interest she'd ever had? She turned to look at Shoran, staring blankly out the window. They'd barely spoken since she got off the plane. She knew that Shoran cared about her, and that she cared about him too. They had been through so many hardships together. It was another relationship that could not be defined by words. More than once she cried on his shoulder. He always seemed to be challenging her, all the while making her stronger. While they had never really been 'together,' their relationship was no secret. Sitting there in between the two people she loved the most she felt very alone. As she thought of the memories she shared with each of them she couldn't help but feel very torn. Between her first true love and the one who had loved her first. Sakura winced at the pain in her heart and her upset stomach. She felt very torn indeed.  
  
Author's notes: I had intended for this to be a Tomoyo+Sakura fic, but I didn't want to pretend that Sakura's feelings for Shoran never existed. I wanted to write a T+S fic because that WASN'T how the story ended, and I think Tomoyo's affection for Sakura is beautiful, even if it is unrequited. However after writing this chapter I feel rather torn myself! GAH And I actually knew where I wanted this to go before I wrote it! Well now that's out the window. How this will end I can't guarantee. Please review! Oh and tell me if I had you torn too! (or maybe a suggestion to make you torn!) If I can turn a die-hard S+S fan think S+T might work (or vise versa) I will be one happy fic writer! Please try to use constructive criticism, as flames will be ignored and possibly deleted. 


End file.
